Category: Comedy

Why Donald Trump for President? The answer is simple: REVENGE

03/20/16 | by blogger | Categories: Political, Comedy

LouDobbs

Many people still do not understand why Donald Trump has been chosen as the Republican candidate for President by the people of this country. The Republicans keep trying to tell people that he is not a conservative. The Democrats keep trying to label him a racist. Neither side understands that his popularity has nothing to do with experience, policies, racism, or whether or not he is a conservative.

IT IS ABOUT REVENGE

It is about revenge upon those leeches and vampires in Washington who have oppressed and stolen from the people of this country for decades.

Nobody cares about any of the normal issues, we the people understand the country is already lost. Our desire at this point is to impose as much revenge as we can upon those leeches in Washington before the collapse. We understand it is over, and we want our pound of flesh from those responsible.

– Blogger

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Where's my government entitlement AR-15 rifle?

07/29/15 | by blogger | Categories: Political, Comedy

The people who argue that health care is a “right” also believe, because it is a “right", that it is the responsibility of the government to provide them with health care.

Some argue the founding documents of the United States provide support for a right to health care. The Declaration of Independence states that all men have “unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness,” which necessarily entails having the health care needed to preserve life and pursue happiness. The purpose of the US Constitution, as stated in the Preamble, is to “promote the general welfare” of the people. So as part of the government effort to “promote the general welfare,” health care must be a legitimate function of government.

So, let’s call heath care a “right” for the moment. We already know that free speech is a “right", it says so in the first amendment to the U.S. Constitution. How does the government provide this “right” to individuals?

  • Public Radio, Public Television, Public Access Cable, Internet (provided by government or mandated by law to provide access to forums where free speech can be exercised)

So if you want to exercise your “right” of free speech, the government provides each individual with many mechanisms by which he or she can do that.

What about the second amendment? Let’s save that for the end

The Fifth Amendment creates a number of rights relevant to both criminal and civil legal proceedings:

  • The “right” to a grand jury (provided by the government)
  • The “right” to not be subjected to double jeopardy (provided by the government)
  • The “right” to not self-incriminate (provided by the government)
  • The “right” to due process of law (provided by the government)
  • The “right” to compensation when government takes private property (provided by the government)

Let’s look a the “rights” enumerated in the Sixth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, these have to do with the “rights” of criminal defendants:

  • The “right” to a public trial without unnecessary delay (provided by the government)
  • The “right” to a lawyer (provided by the government if you can’t afford one)
  • The “right” to an impartial jury (provided by the government if you can’t afford it)
  • The right to know who your accusers are (provided by the government)
  • The right to know the nature of the charges and evidence against you (provided by the government)

So it appears that if something is enumerated as a “right” (the ninth amendment says that “rights” are not limited to those enumerated in the Bill of Rights), then the government must provide each individual with the mechanism or ability to exercise that “right". A “right” is the same thing as an “entitlement".

Which brings us to the Second Amendment and the “right” to keep and bear arms. Since we have established that the government must provide each individual with the mechanism or ability to exercise their “rights", the government is also required to provide me with the mechanism and ability to exercise my Second Amendment “rights". The government is required to provide me with armaments. I want my arms entitlements. Where are my arms that I am entitled to? I have the “right” to keep and bear arms, I am entitled to them just like my healthcare. Every person in America has the “right” (therefore entitlement) to an AR-15 rifle, and I want mine.

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You know you are an Old-Timer from Oklahoma City if:

01/31/15 | by blogger | Categories: Comedy, Biography

TheTornadoWedgewood

You know you are an Old-timer from Oklahoma City if:

You visited all three amusement parks in OKC in one summer: Frontier City, Springlake, and Wedgewood where:

  • You rode the Tornado Rollercoaster at Wedgewood;
  • You rode the Big Dipper and Wild Mouse Rollercoasters at
    Springlake;
  • And you watched the gunfights at Frontier City.

You can sing all the words to the BC Clark Anniversary Sale jingle. Most sales are after Christmas…

The phone number of Paul Meade Insurance is seared into your brain. 524-1541

You drove thru the Classen Circle and were thankful to get out alive.

You had your picture taken with Santa Claus at John A Browns.

One of your favorite places to eat was the Zuider Zee near Baptist Hospital.

MonkeyPit

You threw popcorn and peanuts to the Monkeys climbing on the sunken boat in the Monkey pit at the Zoo.

You had a 10 minute conversation with a 4ft tall, 80 year old Italian woman named Nanny Nicolosi at Nicolosi’s Ranch House, and even though she lived in the USA for the last 60 years, she didn’t speak any English, and you didn’t speak any Italian.

Leos

Leo’s barbecue sauce flows in your veins.

You remember the black and white checkered water tower at Tinker AFB ( and other water towers in town ) had the word GLEEP painted on it and you never knew why, and still don’t.

The first multi-screen (2 screens) theatre you ever saw was at the opening of Shepard Mall, and inexplicably, the same movie was always playing on both screens. ( Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice ). Furthermore you didn’t understand why your mom would not take you to see it … in either theater (I didn’t care which one).

You remember when Penn Square Mall was called Penn Square Shopping Center, and was just a bunch of individual stores with outdoor sidewalks between them.

The smell of rotten eggs makes you think of the state capitol building and Tulsa.

You did NOT know the tune from OU’s fight song “Boomer Sooner” was stolen from “Boola Boola” (Yale fight song) which was actually stolen from some other song.

You bought a car from from “Allen Merrill Thevolet".

BigEd

You attempted the “Free Hamburger” challenge at Big Ed’s and were served the burger by Big Ed himself.

It doesn’t seem unusual to you that a real person is actually named Linda Soundtrack.

No matter where you live now, whenever a storm is coming, you try to find the TV channel with Gary England.

You still crave the spaghetti and meatballs at Nicolosi’s Ranch House.

You remember when Pizza first arrived in OKC, and everyone used a knife and fork because nobody really knew how to eat it.

You got your hair cut by Red Baker in his barber shop, where he also sold propane.

You think “motion jewelry” is attractive.

You thought Danny Williams real name was Dan D. Dynamo (3-D Danny).

You know that Ho-Ho’s sidekick was a sock puppet named Pokey, and that Pokey was the funny one.

WoodyTheHorse

You know that when you are sitting on “Woody” at the “Circle 4 Ranch", that Foreman Scotty is about to wish you a happy birthday.

The best salad dressing you ever tasted was at Nicolosi’s Ranch House.

You know who Cecil Samara was, and thought he was a sane and reasonable man.

You remember the University of Oklahoma Native American mascot called “Little Red” and still don’t understand why they don’t have that anymore.

One of your favorite meals is a chili dog and a frosted mug of root beer from Coits Drive Inn. The Coits hot dog was unique, it was in a natural casing that “snapped” when you bit into it, one of the best hot dogs I have ever had anywhere in the world.

You remember Mary Hart and Danny Williams on DannysDay.

You remember when Channel 5 was on 63rd and Portland.

You remember when the State Fair Arena hosted the National Finals Rodeo.

You remember when I-240 opened.

You went to school every April 22 wearing your 6-shooters and cowboy hat.

You know the difference between a “Boomer” and a “Sooner”

BoomerSooner

You know the horses that pull the OU Mascot, the “Sooner Schooner", are named “Boomer” and “Sooner", and you can identify which one is “Boomer” and which one is “Sooner".

You had a banana split at Kaiser’s Ice Cream shoppe in downtown OKC, I heard it is still there.

You saw every Dracula, Frankenstein, and Godzilla movie ever made on the Saturday matinées at the Coronado Theater on 39th and MacArthur. It only cost 25 cents to get in and they gave away a bicycle at intermission.

One of your favorite meals is a “Frankfurter Sandwich” and Onion rings from Bonaparte’s Drive Inn. A charcoal grilled frankfurter, smothered in Texas chili, with shredded cheese and onions, on a toasted hamburger bun. It just doesn’t get any better than that!

Several times a day, the pictures in your home were knocked off the walls from the sonic booms generated by the fighter jets leaving Tinker AFB.

Every July 4th you, and everyone else on your block, shot off fireworks in their driveways. I can still remember the sound of the fireworks overhead, and the sirens of fire engines racing back and forth in the streets. To this day, whenever I hear the siren of a fire engine, I get misty eyed and quietly sing to myself “… And the rockets Red Glare, the bombs bursting in air …”

One of your favorite restaurants was the “El Charrito” Mexican Restaurant in the Paseo District.

You watched the Mathis Brothers Furniture Country Social every week.

Calvin

If you spent any time in Norman, you know “The Glove Man", and you bought a newspaper from “Calvin".

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Celebrities exposed on iCloud

09/03/14 | by blogger | Categories: Comedy

Let me see if I understand this:

1: Celebrity takes nude pictures of themself.

2: Celebrity uploads the nude pictures of themself to the Internet.

3: Celebrity is suprised and outraged that nude pictures of themself are on the Internet

I must have missed something in understanding that whole thing there … Sounds a bit “Casablanca” to me – “I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here!”

– blogger

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Lessons I learned from the neighbors dog

07/29/14 | by gazunkco [mail] | Categories: Comedy, Biography

GoldenRetriever

My neighbors have a dog, a golden retriever, who is the friendliest, happiest, most outgoing dog I have ever met. An she is this way with everyone she meets, every adult, every child. Anyone who meets this dog, regardless of their previous mood, becomes happy and childlike. They pet and play with the dog, talk to it in a baby voice, give it a hug, receive copious licking from the dog, and leave in a much better mood than they were in before the encounter. I have found myself looking forward to the next time I meet the dog.

The dog’s name is Gracie, I don’t know the names of the neighbors.

The only thing the neighbors have ever said to me is “The dog’s name is Gracie.” I probably should have asked their names the first time we met, but the dog was so overwhelming that I forgot. After that first meeting, it was just awkward to say “Hi Gracie, and what are your owners names?”

The neighbors never talk to or engage with anyone, I never see them outside the house other than to walk the dog. They don’t have any kids or obvious activities outside the home. They seem to be the exact opposite of the dog.

Everyone in the neighborhood loves Gracie and knows her name. I would venture to guess that very few could even identify her owners in a police line-up.

The life lesson I learned from Gracie is this: You get out of it what you put into it. If you are genuinely happy to meet people and lick their hand (metaphorically speaking) every time you meet them, they will return that attitude toward you, every time, regardless of their previous mood.

The moral of this story: Be happy, lick everybodys hand, and they will love you for it.

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